Scorpions as a Service
435 million years of uptime. Now on a monthly plan.
Every feature ships natively.
We didn’t build any of this. Evolution did, and it’s had since the Silurian to get it right.
Built-in dark mode
The exoskeleton glows blue-green under UV. No configuration required. Try the lamp above.
Ultra-low running costs
Some species go a whole year between meals.
Horizontal scaling
Mothers carry the entire brood on their backs.
Partner integrations
The promenade à deux: hours of claw-locked onboarding.
Battle-tested
Survived all five mass extinctions without a breaking change.
Freezer-tolerant
Frozen overnight, back online after thawing. Please don’t test this.
Three tiers, one of them legal.
Emperor
£49 / month
Big claws, bee-level sting. The friendly desk companion.
Glow
£99 / month
Everything in Emperor, plus a UV ambience pack and moult alerts.
Deathstalker
Not offered
Skinny claws, serious venom. Legal said no.
Can’t wait? Get the desktop edition.
A scorpion that wanders across your screen, walks the edges of your windows and scuttles off when your cursor gets close. Click to boop. It glows under the UV lamp, naturally.
Free during early access. macOS 14 or later, Apple silicon and Intel. 1.4 MB.
How it started.
A software engineer, a lawyer and Inayah walk into a bar. There’s a scorpion sitting on the counter.
Stay sharp.
We’re onboarding offices one desk at a time. Get on the list and we’ll be in touch.